Disorder
by White Tigresss
Summary: Emily and Alison are straining, but when Ali takes things too far, will Emily be able to understand and forgive her? Emison.


Alison's foot swung back and forth under the table while her fingers tapped on the table like she was playing castanets. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she tried to control her breathing by taking big gulps of air at the same time. However, this did not erase the choking feeling in her chest and she felt as if she was going to faint.

She used to be used to those panic attacks. They'd strike her and render her powerless since she was a kid, but they stopped occurring often when she started her treatment with a shrink. At first, they involved crippling medicines, but, as she improved, she got rid of the drugs. Her panic attacks started to occur only in specific and intense situations, but she'd always been able to manage it. But not since four months ago, when her generalised anxiety disorder had return stronger than ever.

Even so, Alison was a proud woman; she would not seek for help. Also, no one knew she had this disorder but her family and they didn't even care. She hadn't told her friends or her girlfriend, Emily, in fear they might think she was some kind of freak and that they might step away from her. Furthermore, she didn't like to appear weak; after all she was a DiLaurentis and she was a businesswoman. There was no room for frailty in her.

"Ms. DiLaurentis, are you okay?" - A middle-aged man she could not identify asked her. She must've been staring blankly ahead for too long. And then, her nerves wrecked and her hands trembled. Her sense of pride made her grab her purse and go for the door instead of asking for help.

As she left the meeting, much to the other businessmen surprise, she rushed to her car and didn't even bother to buckle her seatbelt on. She threw her purse somewhere on the backseat and sped out of the building. She drove fast and dangerously, as her brain attempted to faint on her way back home.

Emily drove safely to the house she shared with Alison. She thought of her enjoyable day at work. Emily worked as a model; when she was 17, she won a Beauty Pageant she'd only gotten into because she'd lost a bet to Hanna. Yet, she still won the competition and agencies offered her an opportunity as a model, in spite of her being somewhat old. She agreed only if she was allowed to study at the same time because Emily knew that careers in the modeling word were more often than not short.

So, she took a degree in Biology and her job as a model really helped her to pay off the bills, even allowing her to move in with Alison sooner than she'd thought. That was when she gripped the steering wheel.

She loved Ali with all her heart, she did. But, lately, the blonde had been behaving strangely. She'd grown cold and apart and she'd fight with Emily for silly things, such as when she left her wet towel on the bed. Sometimes, after a hard day of work, Alison would put her down instead of comforting her and this change of heart was killing Emily inside. Of course, there still times that Alison would treat her like before... like she meant the whole wide world to her, but it wasn't enough. How the hell did they wind up like this?

To make things worse (or more confusing at least), Alison was becoming more aggressive and more impatient during sex. The first time it happened, Emily enjoyed this dominant side of the blonde. However, this behavior has repeated often and even worsened and it was nothing like her soft, tender Ali. It's been ages since SHE gave pleasure to Alison and now her girlfriend wouldn't allow her to even take off her clothes.

She tried to put her mind at rest after she parked her car and took the elevator to her house. When she arrived home, Alison was already there, still in her business clothes.

"I've been waiting for you" - That was all she said before she pushed Emily against the wall and kissed her hard. Emily kissed her back, even though she was expecting at least a "how was your day?" or a "welcome home".

"Alison, wait" - She pleaded when the blonde started to nibble her throat, probably leaving a mark. These hickeys were troublesome, considering that Emily couldn't conceal them all and her make-up team wanted to strangle her for that.

But Alison didn't stop. Instead, she lowered her hands to Emily's zipper and tried to pull it down.

"Alison, stop!" – Emily asked again, but the blonde's hand slipped past her jeans and tried to reach her most intimate place.

"ALISON, I SAID STOP!" – Emily finally pushed her away when she felt those thin fingers trying to invade her – "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

The businesswoman stumbled back – "I…"

"Never mind, forget about it" – The brunette went to the door and picked up her keys. She felt so disgusted by what Alison had been about to do a few moments back – "I'm leaving. And don't you dare follow me, do you hear?! If you do, I'm calling the police!" – And she walked out of the door.

Once Emily left, the choking feeling on Alison's throat returned and her own feelings of disgust and remorse hit her. God, what had she been thinking?! To force a situation with someone?! Or even worse, to force a situation with someone who loved her and whom she loved?!

The tightening in her chest evolved into an excruciating pain as Alison fell to the ground and curled up like a ball, unable to move or to do anything else. She cried her heart out while thinking on how she ruined a relationship with the woman she loved, the woman whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Her girl deserved someone better, not someone with a disorder. Her girl deserved someone who would receive her at home with wine and flowers, not with stressful remarks as Alison often did. Her girl deserved someone who could make love to her, not someone who couldn't control her desires, like Alison.

I'm never gonna be good enough to her

Emily barged into Hanna's apartment feeling like a terrible mess. Caleb recognized this as one of the moments he was not required to see and left, leaving the two friends to talk alone. But, as Emily cried more than spoke, Hanna considered it a better option to call the other girls, including Alison.

"No… Don't call Alison" – Emily begged between sobs.

"Is it about her?" – Hanna made the rhetorical question and the brunette only nodded in answer.

It didn't take long for Aria and Spencer to arrive, the first one bringing pizza and the other one, chocolate.

"Emily, what's wrong?" – Aria asked softly, as if she were talking to one of the toddlers she taught to.

Apparently, it worked because Emily started to speak – "It's Alison, she…" – And she lost the words.

"What did Ali do?" - Spencer asked in a straightforward manner.

"She…" – Emily considered saying 'rape', but thought it was an unnecessarily strong verb – "She forced herself onto me"

"Wait, speak again" – Hanna couldn't believe that sweet, loving Ali would do something like that.

"S-She pushed me against the wall and then her hands were…" – Emily closed her eyes as the memory flooded through her – "Then I pushed her away"

"You mean she tried to rape you?!" – Spencer was furious – "I'm gonna kill her"

"Calm down, Spence" – Aria was as startled as the rest, but she preferred to listen first and then take her own conclusions.

"Don't fucking tell me to call down, Aria" – Spencer snapped – "I'm gonna sue that bitch in a second" – The lawyer would make sure she had a good case against Alison.

"N-No, Spencer!" – Emily pleaded

"Did she threaten you, Em?" – Hanna asked – "Because if she did, I'll beat the crap out of her"

"Then I'll sue her" – Spencer completed.

"N-No, she didn't. She just… stopped" – Emily recalled.

"This doesn't mean I won't beat the crap out of her" – Hanna insisted.

"She didn't say anything, Em?" – Aria asked softly.

"Of course not!" – Spencer answered for the model – "What is there to say? Sorry that I tried to rape you?!"

"I know!" – Aria shook her head – "I mean, Alison is not that kind of person. At least I don't think she is"

"I guess we were never right" – Spencer smirked.

"I don't know, Spence…" – The teacher trailed off.

"What are you implying, Aria? That Emily is lying to us?!" – Spencer defied.

"No! It's just that… I also want to hear her side of the story" – Aria said cautiously.

"Well, talk to her as much as you wish" – Hanna shrugged – "But she's dead to me"

Spencer nodded and Emily felt her chest clenching.

"Excuse me" – Then she ran to one of Hanna's rooms because she didn't want her friends to see her that vulnerable, mostly because, as much as she despised Alison for what she'd tried to, she couldn't forget about her all too soon – "Ali…" – She whispered before crashing her head into a pillow.

In the living room, the girls were still discussing the situation.

"Alison will be hearing from me" – Spencer still wanted to build a case against Ali.

"Spencer, wait!" – Aria asked – "We should talk to her first"

"Not a chance in hell, Aria!" – Hanna argued – "If I see her, I'm gonna smash that bitch!"

"We need to pick Emily's things anyway" – The teacher found an excuse.

"Fine, you go there and talk to her as you like" – Spencer shrugged.

"I'm gonna check on Em. We'll keep talking tomorrow" – Hanna politely told them to get out so she could take care of their model friend. Spencer and Aria needed no more words to comply.

Two days later, Aria decided to stop by Alison's house. As she taught to toddlers, her only free day was on Sunday, mostly because she spent the Saturdays preparing classes and correcting activities.

She told herself that she was doing the right thing. As much as Hanna and Spencer ranted about it, Aria insisted on hearing Alison's side of story not because she believed Emily was faking it (because Emily would never do something like that), but because Ali was her friend too and, deep down, Aria hoped that was just a big misunderstanding.

She stood by Alison's door and took a deep breath before knocking – "Ali!" – She got no answer and knocked again, harder this time. Accidentally, the door opened. Aria's mind sharpened as she tried to think why on Earth would Alison leave her door unlocked. She took some courage and entered the house only to find Ali curled up on the ground with a swollen face and red eyes.

"Ali!" – For one moment, Aria totally forgot why she was there at all and rushed to help her friend – "Ali!" – She called again and shook the blonde's shoulders, but she got no reaction at all.

"She hates me…" – Ali mumbled to herself and Aria didn't know how to break her off this state.

"Alison!" – She called with more energy and uncrossed the blonde's arms. This seemed to startle Ali somehow, but it didn't bring her back to reality.

"A-Aria?" – Alison recognized and felt her chest clench with far more strength. If Aria was here, it meant that Emily had probably told their friends, and it also probably meant that Hanna was waiting for her out there with a knife on her hands and Spencer was probably suing her at this very moment – "I…"

"Alison, come here" – She helped the blonde up and noticed how she struggled to steady herself on her feet. It shouldn't really have surprised her when Alison staggered to her side and Aria had to do a small miracle to prevent the blonde from falling – "Alison, have you eaten anything?"

"Aria, I…" – She tried to speak, but her heart was beating out of her chest and her breathing was rapid. Suddenly, she felt giddy and the world fell black to her.

"Shit!" – Aria cursed as she had to carry Alison's full weight to the couch and call Ezra in a hurry.

Ezra and Aria rushed Ali to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with severe anxiety crisis and mild malnourishment, as, they found out, she'd spent three days without drinking anything. Three days of crying and drinking no liquids also took a huge toll on her body. She was now asleep on as hospital bed after taking tranquilizers. She also had a saline bag connected to her vein.

As soon as Alison began to be treated, Aria called Hanna and Spencer, who rushed to the hospital too. Upon hearing how bad Alison was, they all agreed that there was something more to that story and decided not to tell Emily about what happened to Ali.

"Guys, Alison left her door unlocked. When I came in, I found her curled up on the ground crying and she fainted as soon as she got up. There is something wrong with her" – Aria stated.

"I'm obliged to agree with you, Aria" – Spencer conceded – "But that doesn't excuse her of what she's tried to do"

"I'm with Spence" – Hanna joined in – "But I'm worried about Ali too"

"Who's with Alison DiLaurentis?" – A nurse called.

"Here!" – The three of them answered at the same time.

"Are you family?"

"Yes, she's my half-sister!" – Spencer half lied.

"Okay…" – The nurse eyed her suspiciously but continued nevertheless – "Do you know if she has generalized anxiety disorder?"

"She has what?!" – Hanna asked again.

"Generalized anxiety disorder" – The nurse repeated – "It's a psychological condition which makes the patient have anxiety because of ordinary daily things. If it's not controlled, it can be very crippling and lead to depression"

"H-Honestly, I don't know" – Spencer was surprised.

"Well, you should look it up. If she knew she had this disorder, we can talk to her shrink and then give her the appropriate medication" – The nurse explained.

"We'll look it up" – Aria promised.

"Thanks for your comprehension" – The nurse smiled slightly – "Alison is still asleep, but she's stable" – And she left.

"Do you think Emily knows about this?" – Aria asked.

"No, I don't think she knows" – Hanna answered – "She would've mentioned it if she knew"

"Do you think this would explain her behavior?" – Aria wondered.

"I don't know enough to answer this" – Spencer admitted while Hanna looked down – "You guys stay here. I'm gonna look up on Alison's medical history"

"And what do we do if she wakes up?" – Hanna asked.

"Ask her all about this" – Spencer commanded and left.

Spencer looked up on Ali's medical history, using even her position as a lawyer to get privileged information, but she didn't find anything related to an anxiety disorder or any shrink at all. However, she knew that the DiLaurentis family was extremely proud and that they'd do anything in their power to cover up their daughter's disorder. With that in mind, she decided to call the most reliable DiLaurentis at the moment: her half-brother, Jason.

"Jason?" – She asked when he picked up the phone.

"Spencer? How are you?" – He sounded genuinely happy to hear from her.

"I'm fine, thank you" – She answered to keep up with the formality – "Listen, Jason, does Alison have any kind of psychological disorder?"

"Why do you ask?" – Jason suddenly became defensive.

"She's had a terrible anxiety crisis and she's at the hospital right now" – Spencer explained without giving many details – "The nurse asked if we knew if she had generalized anxiety disorder and that's why I'm calling you"

"She was diagnosed with GAD when she was seventeen" – Jason decided to tell the truth – "But she had it under control as far as I knew"

"Well, apparently she had a crisis" – Spence stated.

"Do you want me to give you the name of her shrink?" – He asked.

"Precisely"

"The name is Dr. Anne Sullivan" – Jason said slowly so Spencer could get the name – "Keep me informed, Spencer, please" – He asked.

"Don't worry, Jay, I will" – She promised – "I have to go now, but I'll call you as soon as we have more information on her state"

"Thanks, Spence" – Jason said – "Tell Ali I said hi"

"Thanks too, Jason"

Alison woke up to a bright white light. Her stomach called her and it appeared as if she hadn't eaten for days… well, maybe she hadn't. She noticed her arm was wired to a beeping machine, which told her she was alive. Wait, that meant she was probably in a hospital. Her body jerked up the bed, but her heart didn't race nor did her breathing falter. She guessed they put her on tranquilizers.

"Ali?" – Aria called gently from the loveseat beside her bed. Hanna also appeared into view with a sober look on her face.

"A-Aria? What happened?" – She asked.

"I went to your house and you fainted, so I called Ezra and we took you to the hospital" – The small brunette recalled.

"I'm alright now" – The blonde tried to stand up, even though her head was all dizzy.

"You're not going anywhere, miss" – Hanna suddenly grabbed her wrist and kept her down on her bed.

"Hanna, you're hurting me!" – She whined.

"I wanna know everything that happened that night Emily burst into my house crying!" – The other blonde still pressed.

"Hanna! Let her go, she's sick!" – Aria interjected between them and Hanna conceded.

"Aria, how is Emily?" – Alison asked with tears in her eyes as she held onto her friend's hand. Maybe the tranquilizers were not enough for her to deal with this rationally – "Tell me she is alright!"

"She's as fine as she could be" – Hanna answered for her.

"Alison, we want you to explain what really happened" – Aria asked as gently as possible.

She looked down – "Whatever Emily told you, it's true. I… tried to force a situation"

"If you weren't on a hospital bed already, your face would've met the ground" – Hanna growled.

"Did it have something to do with your condition?" – Aria asked.

"W-What condition?" – Ali tried to hide.

"The nurse told us you had an anxiety crisis and Spencer is chasing down your medical record" – Hanna pressed – "So you'd better tell us everything"

"I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder" – Alison breathed in before admitting – "I know I have it since I was seventeen. Only my family knows about this. I didn't tell you before because… I was afraid you wouldn't want to be friends with a nutcase"

"Ali! We'd never judge you!" – Aria squeezed her hand.

"I've had it under control until something happened for months ago and the crises returned with far more intensity than ever. Then, I looked up on the Internet for a medication I'd taken when I was younger: benzodiazepine. But I forgot about its side effects" – She told them.

"Which were…?" – Hanna asked.

"Basically, dizziness, decreased concentration, lack of coordination…" – Ali numbered – "But there were paradoxical effects also"

"What are paradoxical effects?" – Aria asked.

"They are effects opposite to the normal effects of a medication" – The blonde explained – "In benzodiazepine, paradoxical effects include aggressiveness, impulsivity, and instability"

"But how did you get those opposite effects?" – Aria questioned.

"I don't know, maybe the dosage" – Alison looked down – "I was becoming pretty addicted to it"

"You fool Why did you go on self-medication?!" – Hanna snapped.

"Because, if I'd gone to a shrink, I wouldn't have been able to hide from Emily" – Alison justified herself, even though she knew she was wrong – "Anyway, instead of helping me with my crises, the benzodiazepine only worsened them and I started to take things out on Emily. Things escalated pretty quickly from there"

"It explains a lot of things…" – Aria said quietly.

"It explains, but it doesn't excuse you from anything, Alison" – Hanna still held a hard face.

"I know. And I don't expect Emily or you to forgive me. For all I know, I should be in jail right now" – Ali let the tears fall – "And I know Emily deserves better than this… She deserves someone mentally stable" – And then she cracked down. Suddenly, she was shackled in Aria's embrace and Hanna (even Hanna!) was holding her hand.

"You've made a mistake, Alison, but now we understand" – Aria whispered – "And Emily will understand you too"

"She will. Despite everything, she still loves you" – Hanna whispered too, her walls crumbling down after Ali's confession.

The nurse came in and gave her more tranquilizers before she could have another crisis.

"Emily!" – Spencer called as she arrived at Hanna's.

"Spencer, where have you been?!" – Emily asked – "I've been calling the three of you all day long!"

"I need to tell you something"

"Is it about Alison? Because, if it is, I don't wanna hear" – Emily turned her back on her friend.

"She's sick, Emily! She's lying on a hospital bed right now" – Spencer said and Emily trembled only slightly.

"It serves her right" – She tried to sound cold, but they both knew it was only a façade.

"She has generalized anxiety disorder and took a high dosage of the wrong medication. That triggered her aggressive behavior" – Spencer explained.

"How do you know she's not lying?" – Emily tried to find plot holes.

"Because the DiLaurentis tried to erase this from her medical record and Jason told me about the disorder. Also, Alison confessed it to Aria and Hanna" – Spencer told.

"Wait! Does everybody know but me?!" – Emily snapped.

"We didn't know what your reaction would be. Also, we wanted to know the whole story before dragging you into this" – Spence explained.

"And what do you think I should do?! Go there and hold her hand?!" – Em shouted.

"What you will do is up to you. My job is to inform you" – Spencer gave her the cold shoulder – "She's asleep right now, she probably won't see you and it's for the best. She might have another crisis"

"Spencer…" – Emily still tried to argue.

"Emily, she's made a mistake, but she needs help right now" – And she left the model to think.

Truth be told, in spite of everything that's happened, Emily couldn't help but to rush to the hospital where Ali was. She cursed herself for being so weak, for being so in love with someone who tried to hurt her. But, as Aria and Hanna explained the situation with more details, Emily felt her heart clench. After so many years with Alison, how could all of that have passed her by? As crazy as it may sound, she felt slightly guilty for not being able to read the signs before the rain became a storm.

The nurse allowed her into Ali's bedroom. She went in alone, as the other girls wanted to give her some time. She carried white roses with her, walking softly so she doesn't wake up her (ex) girlfriend. Her heart broke when she saw that the blonde's arm was wired. She was sleeping softly, but Emily knew it was because of the tranquilizers they'd given her earlier.

"Alison…" – She said as she sat by the bed, even though she knew the businesswoman couldn't hear her.

She took her hand and caressed it gently, trying to remember the last time they had a cozy moment together. After the turmoil of three days ago, moments like these didn't seem possible. Even so, Alison looked as beautiful as ever, even if she was a little skinnier.

"Ali…" – She kissed her hand and finally let tears escape from her eyes and flow like rivers down her face. Desperate for her touch, Emily pressed her forehead against the blonde and let her tears stain their faces – "I forgive you!"

"Emily…" – The brunette froze, but relaxed when she realized that Alison was only sleep talking. Even so, she still mumbled her name. Had they connected somehow?

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the whole situation, Emily decided to leave. After all, she didn't want to risk Ali waking up and seeing her when she still wasn't ready to have this conversation yet. Even so, she left the flowers with her name signed on a card, so Ali knew she still cared (deeply).

Three weeks have passed. Alison was released from the hospital after a week of treatment and Dr. Sullivan gave her pregabalin, whose side effects were dizziness and vertigo, but they were somewhat infrequent. The shrink also made her promise not to self-medicate ever again and that, if she ever has another crisis, she will pay her a visit. Alison happily complied, not wanting to play with life when it's granted her a second chance.

Spencer, Aria and Hanna paid her visits every single day to check out on her. At first, she found it annoying but now she was enjoying their companies. She constantly asked them about Emily, to which they responded that Emily would only come in touch with her when Dr. Sullivan allowed.

Even though Emily's clothes were still on their closet, the only thing that kept Alison hanging on a chance was the card the brunette had left with the flowers after she'd visited her. Ever since, Ali had carried this card around with her everywhere she went because it was her last reminiscence of Emily.

She was on her way out for a late run (Dr. Sullivan told her it might be a good idea to exercise) when she heard a soft knock on her door. It was probably Aria, Spencer or Hanna (or the three of them). When she opened the door, however, her heart got stuck in her throat and her breathing faltered.

"E-Emily?!" – Her hand grasped the doorknob so hard her knuckles went white.

"Ali, breathe" – The model said softly when she noticed the other woman almost having a panic attack.

"C-Come in" – She allowed her (ex) girlfriend in while trying to hide her anxiety at the same time.

"How are you doing?" – Emily asked casually.

"I'm better now" – Alison decided that it might be a good idea to sit on the couch. Emily mirrored her movement.

The two of them remained in silence until they both spoke… at the same time – "I'm sorry!" – And they chuckled.

"You go first" – Emily allowed.

"I'm sorry for… forcing that situation and for being an horrible girlfriend overall" – Alison smiled sadly – "You don't need to forgive me and I will understand if you don't"

Emily stroked her face gently – "Of course I forgive you, Ali! You were sick and that medication was only making you feel worse…" – The brunette was comprehensive – "If anything, part of that was my fault"

"How can you say such a thing?!" – Alison almost jumped on the couch and reached for her wrist –"I'm the one who did the terrible thing, you're just the victim"

"If I'd paid attention to your behavior earlier on, maybe I could've avoided the situation" – Emily slightly blamed herself.

"Emily, there was nothing you could do. Don't beat yourself up for me" – Ali allowed herself to gently caress the model's wrist, glad that she didn't pull away from her touch.

"I should've noticed, Ali" – The model insisted – "I am your girlfriend and I love you" – She let it slip, even though it wasn't a lie. It's just that she didn't know how Alison would react.

"P-Present tense?" – Alison stuttered.

"Yes" – Emily scooted next to Ali and pressed their foreheads together, feeling the blonde's hesitation – "You don't need to be nervous"

"I-I can't help it" – She closed her eyes as she tried to breathe again. When her eyes opened, she found Emily's eyes and she dived into them, feeling like an insecure teenager all over again.

"It's me, Ali" – Emily leaned in and captured her lips – "Just me…" – And she gently pulled the blonde in for chaste kisses. She swore she could feel Ali's heart pounding off her lips when she kissed them.

"I don't deserve you, Em" – Alison tried to pull away.

"Don't say something like that" – The model pouted.

"It's not a lie" – Ali argued back – "What if I have another crisis like that?"

"You won't because now you're getting medical treatment. Also, I and the girls will be by your side" – Emily promised – "By the way… what triggered your crisis?"

"It's foolish, Em" – Alison looked away.

"Clearly it isn't to you" – The brunette replied.

"I… saw a photo shoot of you and Paige" – Ali admitted shamefully – "And I was jealous…"

"Ali!" – Emily pulled her face closer again – "I would never leave you for anything… or anyone!"

"Not now when you know the truth? When you know I'm a nutcase?" – The blonde let her tears fall.

"Not now, not ever" – Emily brushed those tears away – "And stop calling yourself like that"

"But it's true, Em" – Alison leaned into her touch – "I'm a nutcase, I'm mad"

"No, Ali, you're not mad" – The brunette insisted – "This disorder is just a part of you. You're still my sweet Ali. You're still the one who shelters abandoned animals. You're the one who dreamed about taking me to Paris. And you always play Wonder Woman for the rest of the world to see, but when you're with me, your walls crumble down and I get to see your beautiful sensible side"

"Em…" – Alison was breathless at those words.

"And I love each part of you, Ali" – Emily leaned in and kissed her again, with more confidence this time. Alison had no other choice but to surrender into the kiss as Emily's hands slid down to her waist to hold her in place. She sighed when Emily's body hovered over her own and wrapped her arms around her neck, daring to pull her close.

It didn't take long for Em's hand to press flat on the couch as she used her weight to pin Alison, who, on the other hand, opened her legs so Emily could fit in between them. Emily's tongue begged for entrance, which Ali granted her immediately, both whimpering at this sensation.

"Em…" – The model broke the kiss to nibble the blonde's neck. It had been too much time since she had Ali and she craved for her, even though now may not be the right time.

"I've missed you, Ali" – Emily trailed kisses up to her ear and sucked her earlobe – "But I don't wanna go too fast"

"What does Dr. Sullivan says about this?" – Ali threw her head back and dug her hand on those jet-black threads.

"She says things should go according to our time" – Em couldn't keep her mouth off Ali as she had missed the taste of her skin too much.

"And what do you think about it?" – Alison was desperate to have Emily too but was afraid her disorder would get in the way.

"I want you. It's been five months" – Emily kissed her path up to her jaw.

"Take me to bed, Emily" – Ali whispered against those bronze lips and got a searing kiss for an answer. All too soon, however, the brunette broke the lip lock and stepped away from her girlfriend – "What's wrong?" – She was afraid Emily had somehow regretted it.

The model never responded to that. Instead, she snaked her arms under Ali's shoulder and knees and pulled her close to her chest.

"Emily!" – The surprise made the blonde wrap her arms around her neck for safety.

"I'm carrying you bridal style" – Emily smirked and carried Ali to their bed while the businesswoman peppered kisses on her neck. She placed Alison gently on the mattress and hovered over her before pulling her in for another kiss – "Tonight I'm pampering you"

"Em!" – She couldn't help but moan, even if she thought she shouldn't be pampered, but it was difficult to think when Emily's lips were on her neck and her hands snaked under her T-shirt.

Emily took off Ali's shirt rather quickly because she couldn't stand the need of skin-to-skin contact. God, it's been a while since the blonde had allowed her to remove her clothes! She took off her own shirt, desperate to feel Ali's warmth beneath her.

"God, I missed that" – She whispered before kissing the blonde.

"Me too" – Ali ran her hand up her spine, pressing their stomachs together.

"Ali, let me take these clothes off" – Emily pleaded because she needed that so desperately that she ached for that. Alison only nodded as Emily took off her legging pants, her socks and her sneakers, leaving her in her underwear. The brunette also took off her own clothes and lay over Ali in underwear too.

"Em…" – Ali sighed as her legs wrapped around Emily's waist, keeping her impossibly close. The brunette joined their lips once again, enjoying the contact of their skin. She kept going, sucking and nibbling Ali's neck before biting her collarbone and kissing the valley of her breasts.

"Em…" – Ali's heart exploded out of her chest when she felt Emily reach behind her back and unclasp her bra.

"Ali, breathe" – Emily said softly as she nuzzled the side of her face and tossed the piece of clothing somewhere in the room.

"I…" – She breathed out as her arms wrapped around her girlfriend's neck and her hands played with her hair. Emily adjusted her face so their noses met and, for the first time in the night, they looked at each other's eyes. Emily broke the moment to unclasp her own bra, sliding the piece off her body slowly while she felt the blonde's gaze on her body.

"Emily" – For a moment, Alison forgot how to breathe, especially when the brunette leaned down and their breasts rubbed against each other.

"I love it when you say my name" – She murmured against her girlfriend's ear while she squeezed her breasts and teased her nipples with her thumb. The businesswoman groaned as she felt Emily lower her mouth and capture one of her nipples with her mouth, flicking it with her tongue. Then, the brunette kissed all the way down her stomach, making sure her tongue licked every thin line of her abdomen.

"Em" – Alison called when she reached the hem of her underwear – "I need to tell you something"

"What is it?" – The model crawled up to kiss her lips.

"When we had our first time" – The blonde took in a deep breath to harbor the courage to say what she wanted to – "I was… really anxious"

Emily frowned, wondering why Ali would bring up their first time in a moment like that. Then, she comprehended – "Are you feeling anxious now?"

Alison nodded – "Yes"

Emily kissed her – "Remember what I said on our first time?"

"You said your eyes would never leave mine" – She recalled.

"My eyes will never leave yours" – The brunette promised as she leaned in to kiss her. Alison locked their eyes by wrapping her hands around Em's neck and tangling her fingers in her hair. Emily silently asked for permission, to which she was conceded, and stripped Ali off her underwear. Her hand snaked her way to the blonde's center, her gaze never leaving Ali's.

She dipped one finger in, feeling that Alison was tighter than usual and watching as her face contorted in pleasure. Steadily, she began to move, her finger hitting all the right spots inside the blonde and her palm brushing against her clit. She knew she could push another finger in when Ali tugged her hair and panted against her mouth.

When she felt Emily thrust a second finger, Alison moaned quite loudly. It's been a while since she has been pleased and it made her more than eager for her girlfriend's touch. Also, she never knew having Emily lock eyes with her like this would be such a turn on. Alison felt exposed, like Em's sweet brown eyes could see the bareness of her soul, and she could see kindness in them. It was as if Emily accepted her as a whole.

"Em… I'm close!" – She panted as the brunette's fingers curled against her sweet spot and she held her tighter.

"Ali, baby, come for me" – Emily whispered against those pink lips and swallowed her screams.

"EM! OH GOD!" – She still cried out, as her orgasm hit her hard. Emily slipped her fingers out and kissed her girlfriend deeply, gently caressing Ali's tongue with her own.

Alison hugged the brunette's body close, hiding her still panting face on her shoulder – "I missed holding you like this"

"Me too" – Emily whispered against her hair and kissed the top of her head. Alison let go of her body to cup her face and pull her in for another intense kiss. Timidly, she rose her body, making the both of them sit on the bed. Emily's fingers dug in her hair, keeping her close and instigating her to going further.

Ali tentatively ran her finger down that gorgeous body – "Do you trust me?"

Emily nodded only and peppered kisses on her cheek and neck.

"Sit on the edge of the bed" – She said and Emily chuckled – "I'm serious!"

The model grinned softly but complied anyway – "What for, Ali?"

"Trust me" – The blonde simply gave her a kiss behind her ear before climbing out of the mattress and walking around the bed until Emily's eyes found her naked body.

When she arrived at the edge of the bed, she put one knee on each side of Emily's hips and placed her hand behind her neck before pulling her in for a searing kiss. Emily lowered her hands to the small of her back and held her. Alison decided to tease and rolled her hips against Emily, sighing as their centers rubbed against each other through the brunette's underwear.

"Ali" – Em hissed against her mouth as she dug her nails on her ass. The businesswoman adjusted her position so that one of her feet met the ground while her other leg remained beside Emily.

Alison stated no time and attacked her girlfriend's neck, pressing kisses and bites all the way down to her shoulders. Her hands found the brunette's breasts and she groped them. Emily threw her head back when Ali's lips sucked her nipple, the blonde teasing its tip with her tongue.

"Alison" – She breathed out when the other woman switched breasts.

"Let me worship you, Em" – Ali looked up, her eyes full of devotion and love. Emily nodded because she knew that Ali needed this more than she did. However, she couldn't deny that the word 'worship' gave her tingles all over the place. She couldn't think straight when Alison kissed her stomach, lavishing all the thin lines of muscle on her abdomen while her fingers played with her underwear as she knelt on the ground.

Unable to tease any longer, Ali pressed a kiss on Emily's panties and looked up, her eyes asking for permission. Emily smiled at her and tugged one of her blonde curls behind her ear. Ali smiled too and reached for the hem of her underwear, slowly pulling it out as she admired what she was revealing.

Emily lifted her hips off the mattress to make it easier for Ali to throw that piece of clothing away. Alison took advantage of this and yanked Emily's lips closer to her, putting the brunette's legs over her shoulder.

"Ali…" – Emily moaned in anticipation as she could feel the blonde's breath next to where she needed her the most. Her hands unconsciously reached Alison's blonde hair and her fingers entangled on those perfect curls.

The businesswoman placed a kiss on her pelvis and held her hips delicately. Then, she dived into her girlfriend's beautiful center, giving her a long lick on her slit before sucking her clit gently.

"Hmm" – Emily repressed a moan, but couldn't stop her body from jerking up against Ali's mouth. Moreover, the sight of that blonde head between her legs was breathtaking by itself.

Ali started to work on her clit with her tongue, drawing random patterns on her sensitive bud. Her fingers traced Emily's slit before dipping one finger in, feeling Em wet and more than welcoming to her.

"Ali!" – The brunette held the base of her neck as Ali pumped her in a steady rhythm – "More!" – She panted and Alison happily obliged, licking with more intensity and adding another finger to the mix. Ali felt the model tighten around her fingers and curled them to hit her sweet spot – "ALI!" – Emily writhed on her mouth as she came and the businesswoman gladly licked all her juices.

But Alison wouldn't stop just now. Much on the contrary, she kept on going. Her reckless tongue lowered to Em's slit and she plunged it in, licking every inch of her folds while her thumb applied pressure on her girlfriend's clit.

"Oh my God, Ali!" – Emily cried out as she had the exquisite sensation of Alison's tongue inside of her. She couldn't help but to roll her hips against the blonde's face, feeling already too close to another mind-blowing orgasm.

"Come for me, Em" – Alison softly commanded before dipping her tongue in again, hearing the brunette chanting her name out loud through the night while she pressed her head against her. Emily's body was on fire.

"Ali…" – Her voice trembled and she threw her back on the mattress, unable to sustain her body any longer.

Even so, Alison didn't stop. Her mouth moved up and clamped Emily's clit again, sucking hard on the hypersensitive nub, bringing her girlfriend over the edge once more.

"ALI!" – She cried out again – "Baby, I can't take no more"

Feeling content, Alison pressed one last kiss on Emily's center before disentangling herself from the brunette's legs and slipping into the bed. As Emily seemed too in daze to move, Ali pulled her upwards, dragging her to the middle of the bed. She laid on her back and hauled Emily to her chest, where the brunette rest her head quite contently.

"Are you okay, baby?" – Alison was worried that she'd somehow overdone it.

"Uhum" – Emily mumble sleepily against her chest – "Don't leave me, Ali" – She placed a chaste kiss on the blonde's neck.

"You're my everything, Em. I love you" – Ali confessed.

"I love you too, baby" – Emily lifted her head only to capture the businesswoman's pink lips with her own.

After that, the model settled her head back on Ali's chest and they both drifted off to the best sleep they've had in months.

Five years later…

As she approached her 30s, Emily thought it'd be better for her to retire and she gladly did so, as her financial situation was more than satisfactory. With that, she became a biology teacher, something she'd always wanted to do, and sometimes offered counseling to young girls who aspired to become models.

With her retirement, she and Ali decided it might be just the right time for them to have their first child. Alison's disorder was under control again now, as she scarcely had any anxiety crises anymore and, when she had, the right remedies and Emily's love quickly solved the problem.

Three years earlier, Emily had taken her to Paris and proposed to her. They got married one year later, much to theirs and their friends' happiness, and traveled around Europe for their honeymoon. Recently, the desire to have a child grew in both of them. Alison initially refused to donate the egg, offering to carry the baby instead because she didn't want her child to carry her genes and, consequently, her GAD.

It took Emily a lot of puppy eyes and sweet smiles to convince Ali that it was okay for her to donate the egg and that if their baby had GAD, they'd do anything in their power to allow he/she to have a normal life. She also argued that, as Ali was a CEO in a big company, a pregnancy would get in the way of her career while, on the other hand, Emily had a more flexible routine. Finally, Alison gave in and conceded in donating the egg while the brunette carried their baby.

After four failed attempts, Emily finally got pregnant, according to the pregnancy tests. Currently, she was returning home from her first appointment with her gynecologist. Hanna had accompanied her, as Ali had a huge meeting.

"Hi, baby!" – She called as soon as she opened the door.

"Hi, baby" – Alison greeted her back as she pulled her by the hip and kissed her – "I'm sorry I couldn't go with you. I feel worse now because the meeting actually ended up earlier" – She smirked.

Emily cupped her face – "It's okay, Ali. What matters is that you're here now" – And she pulled her in for a quick kiss… and another… and another…

Hanna cleared her throat behind them – "Guys, I'm here"

They quickly pulled away from each other – "Sorry, Han" – Ali said.

"No hard feelings. I've seen you doing worse things" – Hanna smirked.

"Hanna, now it's not the time!" – Emily whined and her blonde friend laughed.

"Anyway, are we really pregnant, Em?!" – Alison asked quite anxiously.

"Yes, we are!" – The brunette exclaimed and Hanna cheered with her. Ali smiled at first and then her face went pale. The ex-model quickly noticed what was happening

"Ali, breathe" – Emily hugged her girlfriend and dragged her to the couch, rubbing small circles on her back – "Guess it's just too much emotion for you!"

"Wait until she hears they're twins" – Hanna said a little louder than expected.

"T-Twins?!" – Alison immediately jerked from the couch and then felt like she could faint at any moment. Damn, her poor heart wasn't made for that!

"Yes, baby, we're having twins!" – Emily announced out loud and glared daggers at Hanna while softly kissing the top of Ali's head until she could breathe again.

"Emily, I'm so happy!" – When the businesswoman finally recovered from her small crisis, she looked at Emily with the widest smile on the world – "We'll be mothers to two little babies!" – And she jumped on Em's neck and almost crushed her throat.

"A… li… can't… breathe…" – Emily muttered out while Hanna laughed at the whole scene.

"Sorry, babe" – Alison let go of her wife and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. Emily responded by holding her chin and kissed her. The couple smiled through the gesture. Everything was alright.

"Hey guys, I'm still here!" – Hanna whined, the couple broke off and they all laughed, including, probably, the little twins inside Emily's womb.


End file.
